I'm up at 3am. I have been up since about 2am. Contractions woke me up, but of course they are not getting stronger or more consistent. I am now sitting and listening to a thunderstorm, drinking my bajillioneth glass of water trying to coax my daughter out into the world, when I began really thinking about having a baby. The responsibility is huge. That may come to most of you, especially moms, as a "duh", but it has really hit me that there will be another human being completely dependent upon Chris and I for SURVIVAL. This is no joke.
And not only will she need us initially for survival, later, she'll need us for guidance on how to handle this hard world. I wonder how I will deal with this as I already love this little thing more than I thought I could love anything, and I haven't even MET her yet. When she moves inside of me, it's like our own little inside moment. I feel like she's talking to me, reassuring me that she's okay and that she loves me too. This love scares me because I wonder how I will handle her misfortune and hurt. How do you guys handle it when your child is disappointed and sad? How do you deal as parents with the fact that no matter what you do, you will not be able to protect them completely from these feelings? I am trying to adopt the "go with the flow" attitude, but let's be honest, is that even possible when it comes to your child?
So pondering these things led me to a list of things (because when in doubt, make a list) that I am going to promise to TRY to do when it comes to parenting my daughter.
1. No matter how hard it is to see disappointment on that sweet face, I will not kill another person to get you on the cheerleading squad.
2. I will try my best not to judge what music you listen to, as I made my mother, your grandmother, sit through Jars of Clay, New Kids On The Block and MC Hammer.
3. I will make my best effort to attend every game or event that you are involved in and take lots of pictures and videos.
4. I will always work on my marriage with your dad, so you can see how a relationship should be. (Which will hopefully avoid you getting involved with someone named Scorpion or Chet.)
5. I will not be one of those moms who embarrass you on purpose. If you make the decision that I need to drop you off a block away so you can look cool walking to the movie theater, I will do it. (I would like to point out however, that no one in middle school actually drives, so I'm pretty sure their parent dropped them off too. I'm just sayin'.)
6. I will expose you to different cultures and people, so you can be an understanding, open minded person.
7. I will not keep you from any reading that you want to do, unless it's that really cheap trashy crap that has no literary value and is inappropriate for anyone under 18. If it has Fabio on the cover, the answer is no.
8. I will TRY MY BEST (and probably fail quite often) to let you make your own political opinions and try not to intercede on my viewpoint's behalf. (Okay, let's be honest, this will probably never happen, because your mother is extremely opinionated, but at least I'm making an effort to put it on the list.)
9. I will allow you the freedom to choose your religious path. This is something that I find extremely personal, and I feel like everyone should get to choose which path they would like to choose. Although, please don't choose the Wiccan religion. I don't get it and it kinda creeps me out.
10. I will always love you. THAT is a promise. It will never change or alter and no matter what happens, that is the one constant you can always count on. I may screw up all these other things and hundreds of others, but this is the one that I can guarantee.
I'm sure I could sit here all night and think of things to add to the list, but we'll stop at ten because it's a good round number and I need to get up to pee. Again. I guess the moral of the story, or blog, is that I will figure it out. It doesn't mean I don't get scared about it, but I can do it. And I have all of you to help support me through all these weird and difficult parenting situations. Now that's pretty lucky.
First, I think that having teaching background can be really helpful in parenting. As E is only 3, the disappointments in his life haven't been too profound, but I know the bigger ones are coming. I've helped students through them. The truth is, kids become more resilent if we let them fail in a safe space. They need to learn to handle disappointment, heartache and rejection so they develop the skills they'll need to pull themselves back up again and start fresh. For me, I just keep the long term in mind-- what kind of person do I want him to be? Will it matter in 5 minutes, 5 months or 5 years? (not always easy, as I hate to see my baby hurting, but I believe that my job is a parent is to help him become an independent, caring and productive citizen).
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